Hours after President Trump’s defense team on Saturday wrapped up its opening statements in the Senate impeachment trial, “Saturday Night Live” zeroed in on Alan Dershowitz, the storied defense attorney who is helping represent the president.
The deranged cold opening parodied Dershowitz’s history of working for some of the justice system’s most radioactive defendants, including Jeffrey Epstein, O.J. Simpson and Claus von Bülow, the Danish-born socialite who was convicted, then acquitted, of trying to murder his wife.
The skit opened on the floor of the Senate, where Majority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-Ky.), played by Beck Bennett, and Sen. Susan Collins (R-Maine), played by Cecily Strong, were discussing the day’s proceedings.
The mock McConnell mused that Trump would get a “fair trial.”
“No witnesses, no evidence,” he said. “That way we can focus on the real crimes — teenagers on marijuana.”
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Then the pair summoned Dershowitz, played by actor Jon Lovitz, to rehearse his arguments.
“It is I, Alan Dershowitz,” Lovitz proclaimed, laughing and nearly breaking character for a moment. “It’s wonderful to be here because I’m not welcome anywhere else.”
As he started boasting about some of his most controversial representations — Epstein and Simpson in particular — the senators urged him to pipe down.
“Could you not mention your previous clients in connection with the president?” the fake Collins asked. “It’s not a great look.”
The mock Dershowitz continued anyway. But just as he began to argue Trump wasn’t guilty, an apparent heart attack struck him dead.
That’s when things got weird.
Share this articleShareThe character was suddenly transported to hell, where Satan, played by a horned, red-clad Kate McKinnon, enthusiastically received him.
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“Look at that, frickin’ Alan Dershowitz,” the devil exclaimed. “I’m gonna send you back upstairs in a minute. Honestly, I just really wanted to meet you. I’m a huge fan.”
Satan then asked the mock Dershowitz if she could record him for her podcast.
“You have a podcast?” Dershowitz asked.
“Oh yeah, I invented them,” she responded.
Her first question went right to the heart of the impeachment trial: “How did you come up with this Trump defense? Because years ago you said you don’t need a crime to impeach the president, and now you say you need something crime-like.”
The issue came up in real life last week. In 1998, during the impeachment controversy surrounding President Bill Clinton, the real Dershowitz said in a television interview that “it certainly doesn’t have to be a crime” for a president to be impeached. He contradicted that view in a CNN interview last Sunday, saying “without a crime there can be no impeachment.”
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Lovitz’s Dershowitz skirted the question in the SNL skit, but answered another question from the devil: “Is there anyone you wouldn’t represent?”
“Well, as long as a client is famous enough to get me on TV, it’s all good,” he replied.
Then Dershowitz’s “friends” dropped in to see him in the inferno.
First came Epstein, played by actor Adam Driver. “I love what you’ve been doing for the president,” he told him. “All we get down here is Fox News, and it’s been a joy to see you work.”
From there, they were visited by a cast of widely loathed characters: the author of the children’s megahit song “Baby Shark,” the Progressive insurance advertising character Flo, and Mr. Peanut, the recently killed-off Planters mascot. Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg showed up at the end as well.
Soon after, the fake McConnell arrived in a bath towel to collect the president’s lawyer.
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